Dear Meghan Markle,

The divorcee marrying the nation’s most eligible royal…oh wait this story is about you, not me. Am I still invisible? Can no one here me shouting ‘it should have been me’?

As royal provocateur and guardian of regal glamour, I HRH Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon must bestow upon you my gifts and wisdom to offer you hope as you embark on life with the Windsors.

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How to stop Cambridge Analytica stealing your data whilst looking like Anna Wintour.

The world was shocked to discover that the internet juggernauts had been spying on us for years. We now know that Facebook and Google, and probably every other website we’ve ever been on, know every iota of our lives and have been selling this data on so that companies can sell us shit we don’t even need. It’s all a bit George Orwell meets Mad Men if you ask me.

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