A Review of 2018 in Twinks!

Can you believe 2018 is nearly over and what a crazy one it’s been! We’ve had the never-ending political madness from Trezzy May and her crew in Westminster- I for one have to thank Mrs. May for boosting my career. Afterall, if it wasn’t for her my arse never would have made it into The Guardian! There’s been the drama from the Royals, a birth, two marriages and the alleged fallout between Kate and Meghan- #TeamMeghanForever. Even drag has found its way into the layman’s vernacular with the announcment of RuPaul’s Drag Race coming here to the UK- you can read my thought on that via Twitter

However, the real stars of 2018 have been twinks. Yes, in May us thin, effeminate homosexuals broke the glass ceiling and landed straight into the pages of the New York Times. In Nick Haramis’s article, he argues that our underdeveloped bodies offer ‘a new answer to the problem of what makes a man’ and I for one am so proud that the likes of Olly Alexander, Troye Silvan and myself are aiding the fight against toxic masculinity.

So, if we truly are living in the ‘Age of the Twink’ then I thought, as a cultural commentator, it would be my duty to give you a rundown of this year’s top twink moments.

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January

Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black’s Baby Announcement

We all know my opinions on Mr. Daley, but it would be impossible for me to write this article without mentioning the UK’s most notorious twink. In January this year, Tom Daley and husband Dustin Lance Black announced that they would be having a baby, and PinkNews stuck a journalist up the surrogate’s uterus for live action commenting every month thereafter. In June, Robbie Ray Black-Daley was born and will keep the Black-Daley’s PR machine whirring for another couple of years.

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February

Queer Eye’s Netflix Reboot

Netflix’s reboot of the hit 00s reality TV show Queer Eye propelled a new cast of five (former) twinks into the limelight offering a selection of misguided individuals fashion and lifestyle advice. At 35, Tan France is proof  that you can hold on to that fun loving, fashion forward, well spoken twinkiness no matter what your age…remember 35 is 75 in gay years.

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March

Adam Rippon at the 2018 Oscars

The second bronze medal-winning Olympian to get a mention in my list. Adam Rippon takes the lead spot as March’s representative in A Year in Twinks. He skated his little twinky ass off in February in Pyeongchang and became the first openly gay US athlete to win a medal at the Winter Olympics. With his sparkling leotards and a jawline that could cut glass, it was no surprise that Rippon quickly became the most popular sporting twink the gays had ever seen. In March he popped into Prowler and bought himself a black leather harness and wore it to the 2018 Oscars ceremony. His point? Twinks can be dom tops too you know!

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April

Miss Vanjie on RuPaul’s Drag Race 

Season 10 of RuPaul’s Drag Race, the go-to show for Twitter twinks everywhere,  gave us a new selection of drag queens battling it out to win an eyeshadow pallet and RuPaul’s adoration. Contestant Vanessa Vanjie Mateo became the show’s star after repeating her name ‘Miss Vanjie’ three times during her elimination in the first episode. Her parting words went on to give twinks across the western world yet another soundbite to add to the Drag Race quote canon.

 

 

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May

Irish Twinks Dancing at Eurovision 2018 in Lisbon

Eurovision is the most important date in any homosexual’s calendar and this year was no different as gays from across Europe made the pilgrimage to Lisbon to watch the camp singing contest. It was a dramatic night that saw a stage invasion during the UK’s entrant SuRie’s (a twink in drag) performance of ‘Storm’. But that wasn’t the only drama, oh no! Two Irish dancers Kevin O’Dwyer and Alan McGrath, created a media storm with their dance routine that accompanied Ryan O’Shaughnessy (another twink) during his performance on the show. Their dance, which was nearly banned by Russia and was censored by Chinese broadcasters, depicted a same-sex couple doing such awful things as running across a bridge holding hands and performing interpretive dance on a park bench.

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June

Ben Whishaw as Norman Scott in A Very English Scandal

In June the nation was gripped by the final episode of the BBC drama A Very English Scandal, which depicted the real-life relationship between the Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe (Hugh Grant) and his younger lover, the model Norman Scott (Ben Whishaw). To cut a long story short, Thorpe tried to get Scott killed to stop their sexual affairs becoming public knowledge but it all ended up going a bit pearshaped. Wishaw is fabulous as the flamboyantly defiant Scott and proves that you should never mess with a messy twink.

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July

Patron Saint of Twinks Cher Releases Abba Album
A billion twinks were sent into overdrive when St. Cher announced in June that she was making an entire album of Abba hits. The first single ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme’ was released in August and the full album dropped in September. Cher can do no wrong, and even at the grand old age of 704, she’s still the ultimate, drama driven, wig wearing twink going. Yes, that’s right women can be twinks too!

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August

Owen Jones Crying on the Cover of The New European

Polititwink and Cobryn fanatic Owen Jones kicked up a storm when The New European ran an illustration depicting him crying next to Jezza laying a wreath following Corbyn’s Munich massacre wreath laying fiasco. Clever non? Well not for Mr. Jones who took straight to Twitter to branding the image as blatant homophobia. There is an irony though isn’t there…Owen Jones crying over a picture of Owen Jones crying?

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September

The Queen’s queen saga

21-year-old Ollie Roberts made his first official appearance as the Queen’s personal footman in June this year. However, after the news slipped into the inboxes of every gay press newsdesk a flock of homosexuals were after poor Ollie and he became somewhat of a twinky cause célèbre. The Queen (which one??) wasn’t best pleased with the hoo-ha and Roberts was allegedly told he was doing ‘too much of the PR stuff.’ Disappointingly, he was demoted to ordinary footman in September and was probably given a stern word from her majesty.  It’s tough at the top, and to be fair I feel sorry for Ollie Roberts- if I had his good looks I’d be milking that press coverage for all it’s worth!

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October

Cameron Cole Coming Out on Big Brother

It was announced this year that Big Brother would eventually be coming to an end. Thank god, but didn’t this happen once before with Channel 4? Anyway, the October slot of A Year in Twinks goes to Cameron Cole, the fella who won the show and captured the nation’s hearts when he came out to fellow Big Brother housemates and the rest of the sad saps watching the programme at home. So let’s raise a glass to the end of Big Brother and all the twinks who have sailed in her.

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November

Ezra Miller’s Playboy Shoot. 

Hollywood twink Ezra Miller stunned in his Playboy cover shoot . Clad in a fitted jumpsuit, patent black heels and matching cute bunny ears Mr. Miller certainly did look the part. In his interview for the magazine he spoke of being part of a ‘polyamorous molecule’, a squad of sexual partners- how very east London. In this shoot Ezra showed that a pair of Claire’s Accessories bunny ears aren’t just for boring girls at Halloween, they’re an accessory du jour all year round!

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December

Tumblr Banning Twinks

Quelle horreur, hipster social media platform and hub for depressed twinks decided in December that it would be banning all pornographic content from its site. Gays across the world recoiled in horror with the thought that they’d no longer be able to post their thirst traps to a stream of internet followers. And, like anything that marginally annoys the homosexual community, Tumblr’s decision was greeted by a slew of thought pieces condemning the site for censoring sexual freedom of expression- even the BBC got in on the action! Whichever side of the censorship fence you sit on, you have to agree that Tumblr’s actions mark the end of an era for twinks everywhere. Their quiet corner of the internet has been swept from under their feet, leaving a helpless bunch of mid-20-year-olds wondering who will admire their naughty photos now? Quick someone send in the Red Cross before this crisis gets out of control!

So there we have it, a full round up of everything important that happened in 2018. Who knows what will be in store for twinks in 2019? All I know is that whatever happens, I’ll still be flapping my limp wrists whenever anyone asks me to.

Why not come and watch a fabulous line-up of twinks at my new show, Liza Minnelli’s Christmas Comedown at The Glory on Saturday 29th December. Tickets are avaible now via Outsavvy.com!

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