Twitter was amok this week at the commotion of Jack Whitehall’s casting as Disney’s first ever out gay character. He’ll be starring in the camply titled film ‘Jungle Cruise’, alongside Emily Blunt and Dawyne Johnson, set to hit cinemas in October 2019.
It’s nice to see that Jack Whitehall (an individual where the phrase ‘is he or isn’t he‘ really does spring to mind) will be pushing his range. Playing the ‘camp’ role will surely be a huge struggle for him- one can only hope his acting skills have improved since his Bad Education days.
There are plenty of instances where straight people have convincingly played gay men; Sean Penn as Harvey Milk, John Hurt as Quentin Crisp and we all know that Elton John is secretly Judith Chalmers with sunglasses on.
Judith Chalmers without her glasses on (above) and Judith Chalmers with her glasses on (below)
Whether you agree or not with the casting (I for one have never really given two hoots to Disney, as a child I had much stronger artistic integrity) we can all agree that casting a boring git in the first place was Disney’s biggest mistake.
Boring, posh gits have taken over Hollywood- Eddie Redmayne, Tom Hiddelston and Benedict Cucumber-Patch are the Holy Trinity of the privately educated thespian elite, so it’s refreshing to see someone equally as dire enter their set.
Hollywood casting directors have a hard job picking the most generic males out of a list of hundreds of available actors, so my heart really does bleed for them, especially if they had to watch Mr. Whitehall’s audition tape.
So to help Hollywood out, I’ve compiled a list of top notch talent who could easily take on the role and replace boring gits for good.
1. Julian Clary
For a film called ‘Jungle Cruise’ the casting directors should have looked no further than lord of the double entendre, Julian Clary.
2. Olivia Colman
Olivia Colman knows all about playing queens, so why wasn’t she considered to play Disney’s first ever out gay man?
3. Floella Benjamin
Politician, actor and children’s TV presenter- Baroness Floella Benjamin is the most underrated icon ever. She’s fabulous and deserves her own Disney film altogether!
4. Kathy Burke
Legend Kathy Burke would be more than perfect in the role. Screw Whitehall, lets get some real comedy talent.
And finally… you know me, I’ll do anything for a drinks token and a bit of attention. With the casting call being for someone ‘camp’, ‘funny’ and ‘effete’ -it’s quite surprising that I never got the audition. Plus my rates are dead cheap.
So, to all those avid Fagulous fans who also happen to be Hollywood big shots, take heed of my advice, stop casting boring posh gits and hire someone fabulous instead!